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[SoulGrower]

I’m an addict.  It’s true.  It should be such an unnecessary affliction, but none the less, I AM HOOKED.  Not a day goes by that I can avoid its clutch.  I’m lucky I guess, in that I have a great connection.. many of them actually.  Always reliable and always with such rich variety.  How can I say no to that?!  I don’t ever have to worry about going without, so I don’t.  Which is great to some extent bc I don’t ever have to suffer the withdrawals.  Sometimes I have moments of clarity, though, and think this just isn’t a way to live.  I take that first step and then comes the torment.  First comes an agonizing headache…. And then……..  OK, it’s just a headache.  OK, OK.. I guess it’s not even that bad.

I wish I was a morning person.   I REALLY do!  I wish I’d wake up refreshed before the crack of dawn.  That I could be outside to greet the day.  It’s truly my favorite time of day.  To witness life in all of its wonderful manifestations arising, as rays of sun pierce the veil.  The glistening dew and melody of song.  That almost surreal hue to the sky, which is cast upon the vibrant landscape.  It’s like the daily arrival of spring.  A new beginning.  A fresh start.  And then I ask myself, “What could make this more perfect?”  Well, a cup of coffee of course!

Unfortunately, how my morning usually goes is… I struggle out of bed to begin my morning ritual.  I clean the coffee maker, dirtied from the previous day.  I do this mindfully bc my great Buddhist teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, says to wash dishes without being mindful is to not wash dishes.  And thusly, a wasted moment.  I do this despite hating to hand wash dishes.  But I’m getting better at not hating it.  I then open the bag of beans.  Ahh, the fresh aroma.  Mmmm.  I grind them just right.  Not too coarse and not too fine.  And then the percolation begins!  The gurgling, blurping, dripping effervescence fills the air.  And, recently, I have added to my ritual.  While percolating, I take the time to kneel before my sacred Psychotria leaf cuttings.  I have them in two Tupperware containers, which I pull out in front of me.  I open the containers and gently waft fresh air into them.  Is it ironic that they too are in the Rubiaceae family?!  This takes up just enough time to beat the three short beeps that alerts me to the fact that my brew is ready.  Beep, beep, beep.

Why do I want to quit this horrific habit?  Shit, I don’t know.  I guess I just don’t like the fact that I am so clearly addicted, as evidenced by headaches that follow any abstinence.  Not that it’s impacting my life negatively per se.   However, I do drink more soda than I ever have.  Which isn’t even daily. But if I miss my coffee in the morning, I will head off the headache with an alternate caffeine source.  And sometimes late in the day, I indulge in a soda to taper off the crash.  I REALLY don’t like that I drink soda even that much.

In the end, I’m just beating myself up over being human.  And taking to heart a socially subscribed belief that somehow I’m fucking up.  After all, I’ve kicked much worse habits and all in all I should be quite proud of my progress.  But I suppose it never hurts to keep trying to improve one’s self. 

…or is that just feeding my ego?

4 Likes TBM, MadPlanter, EIRN and Chicsa like this.

[TBM]

I've read an article not too long ago calling caffeine the most popular psychoactive substance on the planet, whether it be from coffee, tea, yerba mate, energy drinks, it's everywhere... perhaps if you can't kick the caffeine habit with coffee, maybe try switching to a plant to brew up which has a bit less caffeine than coffee and wean your way down from there? I know the caffeine struggle all too well... sometimes I don't feel like myself until after I've had my caffeinated beverage for the morning/day.

[happyconcacti]

Ohhhh coffee.

*Hcc takes a sip of dark, delicious coffee*

it's a tough one.

Some folks have good success switching to Maca powder. It's a more sustained energy, no crash.

Hcc

1 Like MadPlanter likes this.

[isaak]

Beautiful piece SoulGrower. I appreciate the detail you put into that. I feel like I understand where you're at 100% - I go through very similar cycles of thought regarding my coffee intake. I still aim to quit, mostly because I've observed the knock-on effects throughout my day if I drink more than one cup. I think finding a suitable alternative practice is key to shifting many habits.

I stopped for about 5/6 days during a ceremony last year and enjoyed the experience. Recently I've found that good old warm water plus freshly-squeezed lemon juice plus honey (organic, unpasteurized), followed by exercise (running/cycling etc.), results in a vibrant awareness during the morning hours. These things require discipline though, and that's something I'm learning slowly

1 Like EIRN likes this.

[EIRN]

It is difficult to write about this subject, in english it is even worst to me.

Any addiction is not good. Any addiction we can abandon is a victory. But once we finish one addiction, we must to stop to looking that. It is past.

In your specifc case you have a ritual. It is a good thing, because you paying attention in what you are doing. This is the first step to do anything..to pay attention.

Try to examinate every thing you do in your day begining, why you do each step. Maybe coffe is just the manifestation of some thing else.

I was a cigarette addict. I found some emotional wounds pushing me to smoke. Wen I cured those wounds, was easier to stop smoking.

It is possible to understand some of what I wrote?
I wish you wisdom to deal with it.

Peace

1 Like happyconcacti likes this.

[SoulGrower]

Thank you for the thoughtful replies!  I like where this is going.  Yes, EIRN, I understood what you are saying perfectly.  And I agree with you that any addiction is not a good thing.  All things in moderation.  I believe in the 'middle way'

Thanks for the compliment Isaak.  I have to admit, I was purposefully being a bit humorous (attempting) and hoping to be a little provacative    I certainly do, currently, have a physical addiction, but like you, it's a cyclical addiction for me.  Most likely, I will give up my habitual use at some point while continuing to enjoy a delicious cup of java from time to time.  Besides, I can quit anytime I want 

I really don't mean to make light of over-indulgence, and definitely not of debilitating addictions (I have many friends who struggle horribly with this and have lost quite a few to it as well).  We should all evaluate the causes for why we become obsessed with anything.  Which we all do!  It is human nature and most likely WHY we are here.  Rather why we find ourselves in this physical realm at the moment.

I completely agree with you on this too EIRN..  All addictions are simply manifestations of some other deeply rooted problem.  Whether it be food, porn, prescription pills or even exercise!  Too much of any one thing is a bad thing.  And always symptomatic of something that demands resolution.  And without resolution, it will no doubt get worse and worse.  Pain is the universe's way of getting your attention.  And resolution is always the end game.  Its how we grow.

And YES, YES, YES.. pay attention!  What's great is that it is that simple.  Bringing one's full attention and becoming present, allows one to let go.  And consequently move on.  Resistance is a form of attachment and results in grasping and an inability to move past.

1 Like EIRN likes this.

[Roze]

My GF had the same type of addiction for coffee so we try to find a method to "delude" her body.

As with all the addictions, the best solution is gradually reduce the daily dose. So instead of pure coffee she start drinking  soluble barley with 50% coffee. On the next week  barley with 20% coffee until one day she's only drinking simple barley.

It worked for her, I'm sure it will work for you! 

good luck!

I also have one addiction that I'm fighting ... sugar   

[BubbleCat]

Maybe SoulGrower should trade one addiction for another. Get yourself a girl or guy that troubles you and drives you insane

Afaik the adverse effects of caffeine are way underrated. So yeah seing the problem is a good first step, I would ask myself what caffeine gives me, that should be there by nature, but isnt. Like yeah, the motivation in early morning, or the long lay in depends how you see it. Caffeine dependence probably arises from a mean property in caffeine, just like other things mess with the way you perceive pain in a way only more will help, caffeine messes with your sleep in a way only more caffeine will help. At least one is tricked to perceive it that way: I dont feel like I had recovering sleep, I need caffeine. Its a lie coffe tells you

I dont like how much of the medical science, especially psychological, thinks in absolute terms, "addicted" and "not addicted" or "ill" and "healthy", it just isnt that easy. An addiction is not necessarely as worse as another and also not necessarely a illnes.

I am with Roze, slowly reducing use is way better than full on cold turkey. Or go hiking, bring no coffe with you, 10 days and thats it. Take down your tent and go back, throw away the machine and the beans.

For me, luckily,substance addictions never really were a problem, I think I am too proud to become addicted to substances. I just say to myself "look at it, its a clear plain liquid, or a stupid white crystaline powder (like caffeine can be) or whatever. If this gains power over you, what is it what makes a human then ?

We all know you can stop any time, you just dont want right now